thanks for a shitty year

Ahh… 2014. What to say; what to say? You really didn’t pull any punches, did you?! I’m sure this wasn’t the case for all of you fantastic people out there, but 2014 for me mostly suuuuuuuuucked.

I’m not going to go into too much sorrowful detail, but let’s just say that there was a common theme of loss:

  • My first car crapping out (RIP in peace, Guido)
  • My marriage/partnership/friendship ending
  • Friends at work being laid off
  • Death of friends, family, and people I never met but greatly respected

You get the idea.

Above all, I felt like I lost myself this past year.  (Actually, I’ve felt lost for the past 5 years or so, but let’s just keep going with the 2014 theme…) There were times when I would literally be shocked by what I would see in the mirror. I was hollow….. wilting………… lifeless. Not the positive, silly person that I knew myself to be at some level. I was just going through the motions day after day after day. That is until the universe grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me in the right direction.

This brings me back to the title of this post, which is actually (drumroll, please) not a sarcastic one. These past 365.25 days brought so many challenges but at the same time gave me just as many opportunities to take HUGE strides forward in my life. Feeling like you have nothing else really to lose can be oddly empowering, a sort of “ah, what the fuck” attitude, ya know?

The catalyst for all of this positive change was really my first yoga class with Chelsea Roff in April. By this point, I had been numbing practically all of my negative thoughts and emotions for months/years, but at the end of that first class, the floodgates burst open. I was sobbing. on the floor. surrounded by strangers. I just felt free. I was finally giving myself the necessary space to feel and to understand what was going on inside of my head, allowing myself to positively change the trajectory of my life… Fast forward 8 months to now: I’m a certified yoga teacher, have a strong sense of direction (figuratively, no so much literally), am surrounding myself with like-minded individuals, and am just taking the time to get to know who the crap this almost-26-year-old person really is.

Yup! 2014 sure was a year of loss for me. Let’s see, I lost:

  • The idea that my destructive relationship was my fault in some way/all the ways
  • (some of) The fear around being unabashedly myself
  • (some of) My isolating tendencies (I wanna hang out with friends more, so hit me up!)
  • The sense of utter helplessness

I want to end with a shoutout to each and every one of you out there. Whether 2014 was the shit or just shit, we all have our ups and downs, and it can be especially hard to see which way is up. So if your 2014 was shit and maybe even your 2015 isn’t looking too bright, try to take deep breath, receive a virtual hug, and see how all of this is just part of your story. Part of your growth. And only an infinitesimal part of who you are as a fantastic, wonderful, shiny person.

So, yeah. I sincerely thank you, 2014. You were a giant stepping stone to the amazing things that are now happening in this girl’s life. But… I’m pretty elated to see you go.

kdb

TL;DR – 2014 was doo-doo but opened doors. Now, 2015’s lookin’ pretty swell 🙂

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